If we’re stuck, there’s a high chance that we’re attached to HOW our life SHOULD look.
HOW the change you want to make has to unfold.
I want to share with you my experience in hope that it will help you make the change you desire. I have made huge changes in my life that have led me to be happier, less reactive, less anxious and more passionate about the work I do. I have more purpose in my life and I’m aligned with what I really want to be.
If you were to look at my life today, you may have a different opinion on whether I am successful or not. Whether I am someone that can help you achieve what you want in life or whether you believe my success should look a specific way. Here is where social conditioning comes to play.
Social conditioning is when you hold specific beliefs on what is socially acceptable and what is regarded as better than... Such as the belief that success looks a specific way. These beliefs are formed from conforming to societal norms so that we don’t stand out and so we’re not rejected by people. This is why worrying about judgment from others keeps us stuck and keeps us from living our truth.
When we get caught up in how things need to look, we lose touch with what we want and need. We become stuck because we desire something and we’re not willing to do the very thing we desire as it is not the social norm, so we worry about what others will think. We protect ourselves through going down the comfortable path, and we resist it along way because that path is not what we desire or want. This is how we create conflict within ourselves and if we don’t resolve this conflict, life gets hard, depressing and unfulfilling.
I have started a business that is a little different and is less accepted in Australia than the United States. Even though that is the case, that does not mean I will give up on it. If I want my business to succeed, I need to work on myself as well as invest money back into my business. I invest in coaching, myself, short courses and my business. If I want to step it up in my life and build what I desire, I need to invest time, energy and money. I also believe that what I am doing now, will have huge benefits for my future. Now, it’s important that you don’t get this confused with sacrifice. I am not sacrificing anything. I am still living in alignment. This is the number 1 thing to take away from this blog. You do not need to sacrifice your health, time, energy or life in any way to live in alignment. When we sacrifice sleep and a healthy life style to make money, to buy that house or go on that holiday, we’re not living in alignment and when we get those things, they give us short term fulfilment. Another example of this is a parent who works long hours, they’re stressed and have health problems. They are doing all this and sacrificing their own wellbeing to support the family. When really, the children want their parents to be present, healthy and happy.
When you feel pressure on you, you feel an obligation and an expectation that you need to do things a specific way and if you don’t you will fail or you're a failure. The interesting thing about failure is that it’s subjective. This is because we have expectations that we formed through our upbringing and the environment we grew up in. The way that Shirley runs her business may not work for you. The way she makes money may not suit your lifestyle, your needs or your values. So, this is where I say, you no longer need to compare yourself to others and how they are living their lives. You can make mistakes, fail and try different ways of doing things to see what works for you. You can do this through meeting your needs and living by your values, not Shirley’s. Okay, I made Shirley up but you get what I am saying.
Anyone that tells you that starting your own business is easy, is flat out lying. If you already have clients and people who want your services or product before you quit your job and start a business, that’s a different story and yes you will be capable to get an income from the get-go.
If you’re changing careers completely and doing things you have never done before then you will not find it easy and you will make many mistakes along the way. These mistakes lead to growth and a deeper understanding of yourself. Three months ago, I was feeling overwhelmed with my business and felt a little stuck. Things were not quite right, and I felt I was going back into an old pattern. So, I did the work, the work I teach and guide others through.
What if I told you, you can be happy now if you listen to YOU? All you need to do is let go of how you think it SHOULD look.
How do you let go?
Firstly, I DO THE WORK. I know my values, needs and coping mechanisms.
I ask myself questions
What do I need right now?
Answer: Security and stability
How do I get that?
Answer: Make more money
How can I do that whilst living in alignment with my values?
Answer: Work with nice people, create a flexible casual work environment and find something you love other than coaching and mentoring.
That is what I did. I created different avenues of income to reduce the pressure on myself. I listened to what my body, mind and spirit were telling me. I did not fixate on HOW I would create this, I knew it would happen. It's what my work is based on. Gain clarity and your focus will shift to what you want. Opportunities will present themselves and you can say a big old hell yes or hell no.
I got clear on my non-negotiable, and they are:
I won’t work with or for people who hate themselves and are mean to others
I will not work for someone that treats me like a machine
I will not do things I hate doing
I will create work that gives me energy
I will make choices that are aligned or in support of my values and needs
This is what I have manifested, through creating clarity, goals and living in alignment with my values.
1. I work in my friends Café, where the workplace culture is great. She understands me and what I am doing in my life.
2. I started a Madpaw side hustle and walk dogs for an income. I absolutely love dogs.
3. I have been offered casual work in one of my past positions, where the people are nice, and the work is easy.
4. I mentor and coach people who want to make a change in their lives. I help them understand what their needs and values are. Through this discovery process they work in careers that are aligned with their higher goals.
If you find yourself judging someone based on their job, the way they look or the type of car they drive. Remember, those are your own beliefs and expectations of what you believe success looks like. This is the very thing that may be keeping you stuck.
Once you understand your values and needs you create goals (including money goals) and a plan with a clear understanding on what steps to take in order to achieve those goals. Rather than being attached to how that will look, follow your internal compass, it will lead you to feeling happy and present in life. This does not mean it’s going to be sunshine and butterflies every day, it means that when you have a crappy day, you know that it’s polarity, this is needed to become aware of what you do and don’t like and what is unresolved and requires attention. This enables you to grow and learn about yourself at a deeper level, where you can meet your needs and achieve the exciting things in life you desire.
If you feel stuck and would like some help to gain clarity and direction send me an email firstname.lastname@example.org with any questions and I would love to discuss this further with you.