Updated: Sep 27, 2020
I attended Tony Robbins Seminar, Unleash The Power Within
Tony has quite the reputation of being aggressive and making absurd comments about the #metoo movement. I did see the YouTube clip on this and found it quite disturbing too. I did not feel for me personally that was enough to boycott his work as he has done some amazing things too.
I also choose to not allow that to completely ride off what he has accomplished on the past 30+ years in the personal development industry. Yes, he can be a-hole with how he speaks and he has a bit of a boys club and yes, he can also be kind too.
I don't follow a guru or anyone religiously.
We do not need to get all our information from one source, one university, one guru and one leader because the people we’re receiving that information see the world through their own lens (biases) that is made up of all their own beliefs and past experiences. What works amazingly for them may not work that well for you and may not be aligned with you. The other side to this is using the tools that work amazingly for them in your own way, that aligns with you and feels right for you.
I am a firm believer in learning from many leaders and experts in the field and I do not believe there is a ONE SIZE FITS ALL.
All experts in the field will wholeheartedly believe in their methods and tools they use and that they are the best in the world.
It is up to us as individuals to take on board what we need and what aligns with us. The way to do this is to know yourself on a deep level and know that you have the answers, you have the power and no leader will give that to you. What a someone can do for you is help you see your blind spots, such as what are you avoiding, distracting or pushing away in your life that you need to process and bring closer to you so you can get the outcomes you want?
When we idolise and place people up on a pedestal that’s when we lose ourselves because we think they have the answers to what we need. The truth is that they don’t have the answers they have information. Information that helped them succeed and you can use that information to help you reach your goals too.
This is where it gets difficult. What I need to hear and do to improve my life could be completely different to what you need right now. That is why 1:1 coaching is so valuable.
That is why it’s super important that you don’t take someone’s advice as gospel and implement it without doing the inner work first.
For example, if you’re hard working and you have come to place where you feel like you’re burning out and you go to a workshop/seminar where the speaker is encouraging you to work harder and take more action to get the results you want, then this does not align with you. If you work any harder, you will burnout. What would be more aligned is to step back, take a break and reflect on what is working for you and what is sucking up your energy and not necessarily helping you in life. A retreat in nature may be more aligned with you than a high energy workshop.
If you’re someone that takes little action and knows exactly what you need to do then the advice around taking massive action would be more aligned with you. A high energy workshop would help you see what you’re truly capable of.
This all depends on where you are in your life as to what you need to hear.
What do you do instead of following a person as though as their your cult leader?
You get to know yourself on such a deep level that you’re clear about what information is helpful for you and what is not so helpful for you right now. With clarity you can ask for what you want rather than follow the exact formula someone else is teaching that may not align with you.
So what does that mean?
It means you have the power in your life to get the results you want and with clarity you don’t follow the instructions of someone as though they know best for you.
You use the information where you want to implement it in your life and you are responsible for the results you get.
For example, a coach tells you to run 15km everyday for 7 days and on day 3 your knee starts hurting. You decide to push through because your coach told you this is what you must do to lose weight. You end up with a serious energy because you did not listen to your body. You blame your coach for what happened because you trusted them to give you the advice and instructions you needed. Now, the coach may have been reckless, and it is up to you to communicate with your coach and that your knee is hurting. If you did not do this then who's responsibility is it to take care of you? This can get tricky as the coach is in a privileged and authoritarian role so this is why it's so important for us to build self-trust and confidence to speak up. We can not control the way others treat us, we can only take charge of our own lives.
This is a good example of, you are your own expert. No one else can feel what you feel, see what you see and process things the way you process things.
So, it is up to you to take charge
and speak up if something does not feel right for you. Transparency is key in any relationship. If something does not feel quite right say it, get curious about it because it's an important message for you to hear.
If your boss, coach or the person supporting you dismisses what you’re saying as not important and you feel as though it is, than it’s time to find someone who listens, understands, gets curious and supports you and works with your process not just with their own.