When we feel upset at work, relationships or with family what is it really telling us?

Updated: Jan 20



When we give our energy towards something and we want support from people who are not supportive it can feel disheartening.

We can feel hurt.

Hurt from feeling a lack of care.

Hurt from a lack of support.

Hurt from being ignored.

Hurt because we feel we don’t matter

Hurt because we feel like the people around us are so disconnected from who we are as individuals that they don’t actually see us, and we find it hard to see them because we’re hurting.


When we get upset in workplaces, romantic relationships, friendships or in our families. This pain is an experience we have in our body and it’s not who we are. It’s what we’re feeling in the moment.


It’s common when we’re in a place of pain to blame others for it and we could be completely justified in that moment to do that. It’s important not to brush this off and say things to ourselves such as you’re overreacting, get over it or it’s their fault. If we feel hurt by someone, that feeling is real. Pushing it away and ignoring (suppressing) it does not get rid of it, it causes us more pain because we have not listened to the feedback. If we don’t make a conscious effort after the experience, we will have the same thoughts, beliefs, and behave the same way, allowing our past stories and experience to dictate who we are and what we believe to be true for ourselves.


It’s how we process the feeling and acknowledging the pain we feel that matters.

When we’re upset it’s an experience that we subconsciously attach a story to, and this story is what causes us pain. It’s what we believe about this story and about ourselves in this story. We repeat it over and over in our heads and we repeat it to friends, which reinforces the story. We may find it reminds us of past memories and experiences. We may learn what needs are not being met and what we can do to meet them. If we never question the story, we miss crucial information. Information that can bring us out of a helpless state and into a place where we have an options to choose from. When we observe the pain, and look at it from an objective lens, we can ask it questions and gain information to see the situation from a different perspective.


Sometimes getting hurt is the way this information is presented to us.

It tells us what we don’t want and what we do want in our lives.

It tells us what pain we have not resolved in our body.

It tells us that if we stay in that environment with the same beliefs and thoughts about it that we will create a pattern and get the same results.

It tells us who we want to spend our time and energy with.


The thing is we do get hurt because we’re human. At times we do feel like we’re at the mercy of our emotions because we’re human.


If you love your job and find yourself in a workplace or environment where people don’t see you, hear you or care about you, choose to find the people who do see you, hear you and care about you and spend your energy with these people. We often overlook when people reach out to us, praising our work and being grateful that we’re in their lives. We overlook this when we’re so focused on the story and we filter out the positive things in our lives. The part of our brain that does this is called the reticular activation system (RAS). The video below explains this concept.

Before moving on from something you really like because of a few people, remind yourself of the people who do care, who are supportive and who see you. Do this every day, write it down every day and make it a habit. Become aware of the missing information that you have filtered out and choose to create changes that will change the story you have become identified with. When you gain awareness and change the way you think and behave, this is where you will see a different story unfold.


If you hate your job, and in an environment where you don’t feel any support and have no one to turn to, it’s time to move on to a more caring and supportive environment.

We always have a choice and it’s not until we see our world from a different perspective that we see what our options are that we can choose moving forward.


Reach out if you would like to be coached through this process by email support@thelmavlamis.com, Facebook or my website contact form https://www.thelmavlamis.com/.



#SELFCARE

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